Loneliness: Let’s Talk About it

When the college acceptance letter from the University of Georgia arrived, I felt it was the perfect fit for me. That feeling was confirmed upon visiting the beautiful Athens campus. From that moment on, I eagerly counted down the days until move-in. I spent the summer shopping for red and black clothes, dreaming of dining hall dinners, selecting classes, and anticipating wild football tailgates with the new best friends I was sure I'd make.

Within two weeks of freshman year, I dreaded the dining hall. My summer expectations didn’t go as I planned. This social environment was my greatest reminder that I had no friends. From September to May, I ate every meal alone. I watched with envy as groups of girls sat together, laughing about the night before or something their professor had said in class. Not being part of a group made me feel more alone than ever.

My classes were just as lonely. During lectures, anxiety shouted in my head that everyone was judging me. Despite telling myself that no one was actually paying attention and it was perfectly normal to sit alone in class, I couldn’t help but think the worst. I hoped people thought I wanted to concentrate or that my friends had different majors. 

But when I was back in the dining hall, it felt like there was a spotlight on my chair. I started to wonder if there was something wrong with me, like maybe I was weird or annoying. It felt like everyone had made a pact to not be friends with me. 

Every day, I left work at 5:00PM and forced myself to go to the dining hall. I knew that if I returned to my dorm first, I wouldn't leave again to get dinner because of my anxiety. Every time I walked in, I felt so nauseous that I could barely finish my meals. Despite my hatred of the dining hall, retreating to my room at the end of the night was equally depressing. My days were occupied with work and classes, providing some distraction. However, sitting alone in my dorm left me with ample time to reflect on my lack of friends and how everyone else seemed to be doing just fine.

Towards the end of my first semester, I spoke with my mom about how school had been going. We discussed the possibility of transferring schools for the second half of the year. I even sent in a few applications, but something about it didn’t feel right. Despite my misery, I had chosen University of Georgia. It felt like home when I had visited and I knew I would regret leaving after just one semester. Motivated to make things work, I decided to have a fresh start in the spring.

I enrolled in new classes and joined Women in Business, striking up conversation with the people around me. Every Sunday, I went to Taylor Swift themed spin classes, thinking it would be a good way to meet people with similar interests. However, I still struggled to make friends. Each day felt like a repeat of the last, filled with solitude and a lingering sense of isolation. Another sad four months went by, with only myself for company.

At the end of the year, I returned home, surrounded by friends who had supported me from afar. While I was happy to be home, the looming prospect of returning to school in August filled me with anxiety. I dreaded the possibility of another year without friends but my love for UGA pushed me to go back. When my sophomore year arrived, I moved into an apartment with a new roommate. We met each other in class and decided to live together. Living with her was exactly what I thought college would be like: cooking dinner together, getting ready to go out, running errands, and going to tailgates. 

We were a good fit. I was the responsible one, making sure we kept up with the household duties and with her ability to talk to anyone, she introduced us to potential friends. My new roommate became my new friend and we spent most of our time together.

Shortly thereafter, we met two other girls in our apartment complex. They were transfer students also finding it difficult to make friends. After a year of struggle, I felt a sense of relief. I wasn’t alone and a weight was lifted off my shoulders; maybe it wasn’t me after all. 

For the first time since coming to college, I had friends. It took over a year but finally, I knew why I had stayed. While I didn’t have many fond memories from freshman year, sophomore and junior year more than made up for it. I eventually learned that no one really cares if I'm sitting alone. People are focused on their own lives. Now, I feel comfortable walking into class or through campus by myself. On bad days, when those thoughts resurface, I remind myself that those worries are only happening inside my head. No one makes mean comments or whispers about me to their friends and even if they do, their opinions don’t define me. I can't control what others think or say about me but I can control how I react. By not giving weight to others' judgments, I feel a sense of freedom.

Facing that challenge head-on made me realize my resilience and ability to adapt in new environments. Having already gone through a year independently, I knew I had the strength to do it again. This led me to spend a semester in Paris, France, forging friendships with people from all over the world.