Expectations vs. Reality: The Side of College I Didn’t Know About

When I was accepted into Brown University, I thought all of my problems would be solved. But as I stood on the campus of my dream school shortly after freshman move-in day, I felt the loneliest I’d ever been.

Between expectations from my family and my own pride in education, school had been my number-one priority for as long as I could remember. And as I grew up, another expectation formed: attending a top university.

Going to a prestigious school had been a goal of mine for so long that by the time high school rolled around, I fantasized about the idea that my hard work would take me somewhere special. I toured campus after campus and applied to almost 30 colleges. Due to the academic freedom and welcoming community, Brown became my dream school.

But as decisions came in, things weren’t going as smoothly as I’d hoped. Rejections and waitlists piled up, and I couldn’t help but feel like my years of effort had been for nothing. The process consumed me, and suddenly, it felt like my entire life had led up to those split-second moments of seeing the words “accepted” or “rejected.”

Then, just when I had nearly lost hope, everything changed.

On a random afternoon in May, right after my high school tennis team’s senior night, an unexpected email popped up in my inbox.

I had been accepted to Brown!

The moment I saw the word “congratulations,” cheering teammates crowded around me and I felt like I was on cloud nine. After all, this was it – this was what I’d been working towards for so many years. It felt surreal. 

The following summer was a blur of packing, paperwork, and preparation for the school year to come. But even when I felt overwhelmed, I reminded myself that this was what I’d always wanted. Everything was going to be perfect.

Except it wasn’t. Not exactly.

I decorated my dorm room, created my own schedule, and walked through the famous Van Wickle gates like I’d always imagined. However, in my anticipation, I’d overlooked the difficulty of adjusting to college. I’d been so focused on getting to Brown that I hadn’t fully considered the reality of starting over in a brand new place. My first few weeks of school were especially rough. I struggled to find a place where I really clicked. I’d met so many of my classmates, yet no group felt like my people. For the first time, I began to wonder if Brown was the right place for me after all.

Even worse than this harsh reality, however, was the feeling of loneliness. I tried to socialize as much as possible, but in the brief moments when I’d retreat to my dorm, I’d hear laughter out the window. As I clicked through seemingly endless Instagram stories of my classmates having picture-perfect college experiences, I couldn’t help but wonder why I wasn’t. It felt like everyone around me had settled in effortlessly, and I had never felt more alone.

But with time and effort, things got better. I met one of my best friends when I sat next to her by chance a few weeks into class; another one of my closest friendships began when we both were visibly lost on the way to a club meeting. I found a group of people that made me feel at home – and now I can’t imagine a life without our walks around Providence and late-night conversations. My college life worked out eventually, but because of the idealistic expectations I’d given myself of attending an Ivy League school, my first months were some of the most difficult of my life.

I think it’s important to talk about the parts of college that no one prepares you for. No matter how perfect a certain destination may seem, no experience comes without its challenges. Getting into college doesn’t guarantee instant happiness, and it’s normal to have periods of struggling no matter where you are.

I’ve come to love my experience here at Brown. But if someone had told me after move-in that it’s normal to have a rocky start – that everyone has their own adjustment period – I might’ve been a little kinder to myself.

I used to think that being accepted into my dream school would fix everything. But standing on campus after move-in, lonelier than ever, I realized that getting in wasn’t the only hard part. Now, months later, I walk the same paths surrounded by friendships and memories that I’ll cherish for years. I’ve learned that sometimes the best parts of college – or any experience – come after the doubt. 

So if you’re about to move into college, don’t tone down your excitement. But also be patient with yourself. If everything doesn’t fall into place right away – that’s okay.